The main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. The most important skill is the ability to forgive. What gives us the ability to forgive?

“The ability to forgive is a property of the strong. The weak never forgive" ©Mahatma Gandhi

Some people will never accept the idea of ​​forgiveness; any arguments are useless. You can try for a long time to convince them that the inability to forgive, revenge, hatred or resentment force us to live in the past.

Inability to forgive

All these will be empty words if a person does not know how to forgive at all. After all, forgiveness requires a person to show courage. Often his whole life is filled with grievances and to forgive means to feel emptiness. The person becomes scared.

If he gets rid of grievances, then what will he be left with? Such a person is accustomed to using this emotion in order to manipulate others, causing them to experience chronic feelings of guilt. Being offended is a habitual way of interacting with the world. And his whole world is divided into bad offenders and good people who are offended like him.

Pseudo-forgiveness

Another category of people are “pseudo-forgivers”. It is easier for such people to say: “I have forgiven” than to understand the reasons for their offense. And all because they are afraid to realize their feelings, and even more so to decide to voice their feelings and demands, risking forever ruining or even destroying the relationship.

The fear of ruining a relationship arises when you have already tried to talk about your feelings, but are faced with the cold indifference of your partner and his reluctance to change anything. But pretending that you are not offended by people when in fact you are offended and angry does not mean forgiving. This is a form of self-denial that is destructive for a person.

Some experts generally argue that resentment is not a real feeling. It is a behavior used to manipulate another person.

“Resentment is a feeling that appears in us so early that we can be sacredly sure that it is a primordial feeling. Ann is not there. This is a "racket". Remember the children. At what age do they start to get offended? Yes, exactly when they understand that being angry with mom for not getting enough candy is ineffective.

It is much more justified to be offended by her; “I don’t love you” hits without a miss and is more destructive than a nuclear bomb. It’s rare that a parent can withstand such an onslaught.” Having made a conclusion, the child begins to hone and improve his skills. The ability to take offense becomes a skill, then a habit, and then a reflex” (Zygmantovich P.V.)

Resentment is a tool for controlling human relationships. In childhood, the child is offended, attention is paid to him, the parent feels guilty, often without even understanding why, and from this feeling they do what they want from him. The child “makes a decision” that this is how he must influence this world in order to be heard. Then it acts automatically. To finally stop being offended, you need to learn to forgive.

Saying goodbye to a grudge is forgiveness

Psychoanalysts Nicole Fabre and Gabriel Ruben identified the main stages that a person goes through on the path to the ability to forgive:

The ability to forgive is a decisive refusal to suffer. The first and important step towards the ability to forgive can be a conscious decision to stop suffering, stop being offended and forget about justice. Unfortunately, sometimes this means breaking up with someone who hurts us.

The ability to forgive is the recognition that you were treated badly. Thanks to psychological defense mechanisms, suffering, hatred and anger are repressed into the unconscious, where they continue to act with destructive force. We need to admit the guilt of the person who harmed us.

As Gabriel Ruben explains, this awareness gives us the opportunity to “return the blame back to the offender and thereby restore our relationship with ourselves.” In addition, this will avoid the development of psychosomatic diseases or behavior patterns that lead to repeated failures in work and relationships.

The ability to forgive is taking care of your health. Psychologists have found consistent physiological differences between states of unforgiveness and forgiveness. With one memory of the offender, the activity of the cardiovascular system was disrupted in all subjects. These changes became very significant when they thought about revenge.

To stop being offended, you need to get angry. Feeling angry at first is even useful, it speaks about mental health and the fact that you do not deny what happened and do not transfer the guilt of others onto yourself. So acknowledge and release your suffering.

Of course, it is rare to have such an opportunity to directly express your anger to the offender and reproach him. He may not consider himself guilty or have such strong power over us that we do not dare to resist him.

However, we can help ourselves using a variety of techniques for working with resentment.

Stop feeling guilty. The ability to forgive means being able to forgive yourself Here it is important to find out what was hurt - your pride, reputation, honor or bodily boundaries? “The answer to this question can help get rid of the feeling of guilt, that is, to realize that we are not responsible for what happened to us,” says psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre.

The ability to forgive is understanding who offended you. Natural reactions of anger and malice help us stop being offended, but if we experience hatred for a long time, it will lead to self-destruction. To avoid this, it is useful to understand the motives of the one who offended you, to see his weaknesses, to comprehend the act that caused us pain, which will help to forgive him.

How do we know if we have truly forgiven and stopped being offended?

If we no longer feel anger or resentment toward the person who caused us to suffer, and “if the sense of guilt for what happened has disappeared,” adds Gabriel Ruben, then we can consider ourselves to have forgiven.

Psychologists never tire of repeating that it is not the offender who needs forgiveness, but ourselves

“To forgive is to set the prisoner free and to discover that you were the prisoner.” Lewis B. Smides

The ability to forgive is a liberation in which pain dissolves and which helps the survivor to become the master of his life, to stop tolerating and suffering, or even to become stronger.

The ability to forgive is one of the most important skills in a person’s life. We must try to release the grievances that have accumulated in the soul and, with the help of this, cleanse the soul of disappointment and mental grief. Although the need for this action seems obvious, not all people know how to forgive an offense and let it go.

And that is why they make a huge number of mistakes in their lives. They accumulate resentment in their souls often because they are psychologically unable to forgive it. As a result, this inability often results in illness, both mental and physical.

Diseases caused by stress

At the moment when the body encounters a threat, which is clearly the inability to forgive, it produces hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. They are also called “stress hormones”. A person who experiences stress quite rarely will not be harmed by excessive release of the above hormones in his body. However, if anxiety occupies a large place in your life, then you cannot protect yourself from the dark consequences. It can be:

• Vascular heart diseases
• Sleep disturbance
• Various inflammations
• Depression and tension
• Obesity and diabetes
• Breathing problems
• Headache and muscle tension X

And this is just a small list of the dangers of stress for a person. Scientists have proven that one of the causes of almost all diseases is stress. How can you save your body from such unpleasant consequences? It is important to learn how to forgive an offense and, most importantly, how to forgive the person who brought this offense. You can read the articles: "" and "".

What does it mean to be able to forgive

There is an opinion that to forgive a person is to justify him in your own eyes and in the eyes of the people around you. As if a simple and already trivial word “sorry” can seal, like a band-aid, the still unhealed wound of the person that you offended.

By accepting this point of view, we automatically include ourselves in the list of those people whom we can insult with impunity, without thinking at all that we may not forgive. “I’ll just say one word, completely unrepentant of my action, and he’ll calmly forgive me,” this is what people usually think when such “humble” individuals calmly allow themselves to be insulted. However, patience with humiliation is far from forgiveness.

By forgiving a person, you change your attitude towards him and the situation that happened. You cease to be connected with him, as if you let him go from yourself. You still realize that he is wrong, but realizing that he will not treat you better than now, you forgive him your offense, parting with him forever. However, if you see that a person was able to realize his mistakes and take a step towards change, then you should definitely give him a second chance. Although it’s still not worth leading into a trend. If a person cannot change and stop offending you, then you should break up with him forever.

The ability to forgive protects you from offenders, liars, and traitors. This is a real shield that stands in front of your soul, preventing you from taking all the evil around you to heart. It is very important to learn to forgive in order to protect yourself from these external mental influences.

Why do we get offended

Most often we are offended by the harm that has been done to us. Moreover, it doesn’t matter whether this happened by accident or intentionally, the very instinct of self-preservation does not allow you to think in the first minutes of resentment about why this happened. Also, the echo of resentment in our heart can cause a discrepancy between our interests or certain aspects of life with our opponent. For example, animal activists always react aggressively when people disagree with their opinions. Scientists are convinced that ten differences in worldview are enough to cause resentment. Also, the cause of resentment may be disappointment in a person and your unjustified expectations, which is especially typical for girls.

People who do not know how to forgive grievances and let go of the past respond differently to grief. Some begin to prepare an insidious and cunning plan for revenge in their heads, others bury themselves inside themselves and try to bury their grief under a layer of self-flagellation, and some become completely disappointed in people.

It takes a lot of energy for any person to cope with both fair and not so fair grievances. Obviously, this only prevents you from living peacefully in a society of ambitious people, achieving what you want with all your might and moving towards your goal, overcoming all the obstacles that arise along the way. Knowing how to forgive a person will definitely help anyone become happier, calmer.

Forgive yourself first

The first step in understanding how to forgive another person's offense is understanding how to forgive yourself. After all, only by becoming kinder and fairer to yourself, can you become kinder and fairer to people. All evil in people's actions comes from a soul filled with uncertainty, fear and pain. “These people could not forgive themselves and that is why they are so evil,” this is what should arise in the head of every person who has experienced an offense and is trying to forgive this offense.

What sins do you need to forgive yourself for? First of all, because you were too strict and harsh on yourself. You didn't love your being and were too picky about everything you did. But that’s not possible! You deserve better! Start to forgive yourself and find a new path in this life of eternal evil.

Sit down and think about whether you did everything as needed for your soul? Have you often praised yourself for your achievements, admired the aesthetics of your mind and inner world, taken care of and cherished yourself? Learn to value yourself! If you are not better than someone according to certain criteria, this does not mean that you do not need to love yourself. No one can be absolutely perfect, and you are no exception to this eternal rule. Every person is unique! Forgiving yourself means learning to love yourself and be sure to accept yourself as you are without self-flagellation and destruction of the soul.

God loves you this way, with all your shortcomings and flaws, because inner spiritual beauty is much more important than outer beauty. Because the spirit is higher and more significant than all imperfections. Learn from your mistakes, but under no circumstances punish yourself for them, either physically or mentally. After all, a negative result is not a mistake, but an experience that will definitely be useful in life to achieve your goals!

And most importantly: never feel sorry for yourself. Questions like “Why me?”, “Why is this happening to me?”, “What offenses is God punishing me for?” only distance you from understanding how to forgive an offense. These questions are pointless and destructive. Don't let them occupy your head and soul. You need to remember that no one is going to punish you. Heaven with all its being wants you to be only happy, and God brings you to this, giving only those trials that you are able to survive.

How to learn to forgive grievances

Sometimes a person may not even suspect that his words can hurt. What seems completely stupid and trivial to one person, which cannot be taken as an offense, may turn out to be absolutely disgusting to another. At least remember yourself. Has it ever happened to you that you were just making fun of a person in a kind way, but he was very offended and did not talk to you for weeks after that? Most likely it happened.

We often think that the person who offended us planned it for a long time and carefully, only looking for the moment to strike. Of course this is not true. Most of these situations are just an accident, just a carelessly spoken word that, alas, cannot be returned back. Therefore, first of all, you should always analyze the situation and put yourself in the place of this person. Was it something special for you if you were in his body? Would you give this word that meaning? No? So why do you think that he calculates his every step and action? You always need, as they say, to try on someone else's skin, so as not to suddenly accuse a person of something that he did not even notice.

There are many simple and not so simple techniques for understanding how to forgive a person. Basically, they are all built in such a way as to avoid the typical algorithm for reacting to negative events (denial, rejection and depression, acceptance) and speed up the process of understanding how to forgive an offense. Let's try to analyze one of them.

• Firstly, you need to clearly understand the feeling of resentment, feel it and understand that this is exactly what it is. Say in your head, “I, so-and-so, was offended by so-and-so because...”. The reasons for the resentment in your head may not seem as serious as you thought before. This will be the first step towards forgiving the other person.
• Try to talk to your offender. Most likely, he did not want to offend you, but simply acted in his own way. A misunderstanding has arisen between you, which must be resolved through dialogue.
• There are situations when it is not always possible to organize a conversation with your offender. In this case, you can try to put yourself in his place, analyze the current situation, and understand the motivation of the offended person yourself. Most likely, you can remember at least one time in your life when you acted exactly like him now. Of course, there is no need to justify a person if he did absolutely wrong, but trying to understand him is a must.
• After going through all the above stages, you need to determine for yourself whether this person is really wrong, or whether the offense arose only as a result of your own selfishness. Perhaps the situation that occurred could not have happened otherwise, and your offender only acted as he should have done.
• Now you can try to finally determine how to forgive an offense precisely in the circumstances that happened to you.

The technique of understanding a specific situation often helps in the final understanding of how to forgive a person.

How to forgive a loved one

We experience great mental pain when we are offended by acquaintances or friends with whom we have a warm relationship, but it cannot be compared with that which arises when there is a misunderstanding among loved ones.

It would seem that you have known each other for so long and can no longer be offended, but from realizing this the pain of mental resentment becomes even stronger than before.

Forgiveness of grievances against those who are not so dear to us can be achieved and let go of ourselves without worrying too much, forgetting them forever. And it is more difficult to get rid of grievances against people close to your heart, but it is necessary to forgive them, because in no case should you part with your loved ones because of a stupid misunderstanding.

Most often, a simple conversation helps in such situations. You just need to sit down next to each other and have a heart-to-heart talk, try to understand each other, so as not to allow such sad moments in your life in the future. “All our happiness is still ahead of us, and we walk and sulk at each other like little children, but I love you,” this phrase will be enough to break the already frozen ice in your relationship. The most important thing is that they are not afraid to start such a conversation. Be sure that your partner will not refuse to make peace, and feel free to begin this process.

Forgiving a loved one who has offended you because of some stupidity is quite simple, just by trying to talk, but what to do if you are faced with an evil betrayal? In this case, we have some tips.

• First of all, you need to calm down and try to understand the situation, find out why your loved one did this to you.
• You should take a break from work. Fly away on vacation for two weeks or at least get together and have a loud evening with friends.
• You can't sit at home! Go to the cinema, clubs, walk in the fresh air. Go where there are a lot of new people, and life is in full swing.
• Describe on a piece of paper all the shortcomings of your former love, mentally saying goodbye to her forever, and then burn this piece of paper. This technique often helps people who like to romanticize any situations around them.

With the help of the above tips, you can at least briefly forget about the betrayal of a loved one whom you loved so much that just the thought of parting brought you enormous mental suffering.

Now, after reading our article, you have a general understanding of how to forgive offenses, let a person go from your life and forget him forever. This skill does not come instantly; it must be developed with all our might in order to calmly deal with betrayal, disappointment, and emotional grief in the future, which will so often take place in our lives. And with development comes freedom.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the word “friendliness” as follows: this is the ability to easily get along with people and show interest in them. It is easier for a friendly person to make acquaintances, which means he can achieve more in life.

In Lebedeva’s text, dad helped the girl make peace with her friends, showing tact and generosity (sentences 69-71).

The Spanish writer Carlos Zafon once said: “How easy it is to lose your dislike for a person you consider an enemy if he shows friendliness.” By this, the author emphasized the great power of the mentioned quality.

So, friendliness can help a person live easier and more joyfully.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the word “talent” as follows: it is a rare natural gift that gives a person unique abilities for something. There are few truly talented people, so they must value and develop their skills.

In Kim's text, the hero had artistic abilities, loved his occupation, gained experience, gradually becoming a professional (sentences 16-17).

And Leskov’s work “Lefty” shows a unique Russian master who, thanks to his talent and hard work, managed to do the impossible - shoe a flea.

So, talent is wonderful, especially if a person is not lazy, works hard to develop it and reaches the heights of success.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the phrase “the ability to forgive” as follows: this is a valuable quality that helps us build relationships with people with dignity and, therefore, live fully. Only strong people are able to forgive.

In Soloukhin’s text, the conscientious boy, after much hesitation, decided to forgive Vitka for his action, and this saves the children’s friendship (sentences 58, 64).

Once the Roman Emperor Octavian Augustus said: “The greatness of an emperor lies in his ability to forgive.” Thus, the monarch who offered to pardon the murderers of Julius Caesar earned the memory of his descendants.

Thus, possessing this wonderful quality makes us purer and wiser, and our life brighter and more joyful.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the word “responsiveness” as follows: this is a spiritual quality that consists in the ability to come to the rescue in difficult times. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to avoid being on the sidelines of someone else's grief.

In Zheleznikov’s text, the hero, plucking up courage, tried to help Nadya and convince his categorical neighbor about the dog (sentence 40).

And in A. Platonov’s work “Yushka”, the adopted daughter Efima began to selflessly help people in the fight against their illnesses.

Thus, you need to try to be a sympathetic person, because this way there will definitely be fewer unhappy people in the world.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the phrase “love of nature” as follows: this is the ability to understand nature, to treat all living things with care. Many great people admired the beauty of the world around them, setting others an example of sincere love and respect.

In Stamova’s text, the heroine carefully and with pleasure observes the life of animals. Tanyusha is especially attracted to birds, which she adores (sentence 16).

The writer M. Prishvin in his work “The Pantry of the Sun” showed: if a person loves nature, it will help him cope with difficulties.

Thus, we need to love nature, which gives us everything we need for life, which is the common home for all living beings.

15.3 I understand the meaning of the word “selflessness” as follows: this is the ability to devote oneself to a task to the end, forgetting about oneself. Finding selfless people in the modern world is a great success and a rarity.

Herman's text mentions the Dutch anatomist Van Tulp, who unselfishly helped people and loved his work (sentence 42).

And the Russian surgeon N.I. During the Crimean War, Pirogov performed hundreds of complex operations, was the first to use a plaster cast, laid the foundations of military field surgery and operated until the end of his days.

So, selflessness is a wonderful, valuable quality that everyone should strive to possess.

It is believed that the main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. Indeed, this is a very valuable quality. Is it possible to live a full and vibrant life if you keep a lot of big and small grievances in your mind? People don’t even realize how quickly you can get rid of mental wounds. The main thing is to leave the past in the past.

Why do you need to be able to forgive?

The ability to forgive is not only a way to maintain friendship. This ability makes life easier, improves health and improves mood. If we put aside all the beautiful words about human relationships, what remains is the purely pragmatic side. Thus, many years of observations by psychologists have led to the conclusion that people who harbor grievances are much more likely to feel unwell and encounter diseases than those who act in the diametrically opposite way. Many may be skeptical about this, but there is an explanation for everything.

If you don't have the ability to forgive, you will constantly think about your grievances. As a result, the brain will send additional impulses to the endocrine system aimed at producing stress hormones. This leads to increased blood pressure and increased stress on the muscles. Touchy people often experience back pain and rapid heartbeat. Moreover, stress reduces immunity. Thus, you may be right 1000 times in not wanting to forgive the offender, but you yourself suffer from this.

The ability to forgive not only helps to avoid health problems, but also facilitates the process of communicating with others. Not paying attention to irritants, some people easily make new acquaintances and surround themselves with friends. Psychologists call this an effective behavior model. It involves protecting yourself from unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions.

What is forgiveness?

The ability to forgive is one of the main qualities of true friends and simply wise people. First, it's worth understanding what this means. The point is not to tell the offender that he is forgiven. In this case, responsibility will be removed from him, and you will never get rid of the resentment that oppresses you. It is important to let go of negative thoughts by protecting yourself from negativity.

To begin with, it is worth understanding that what happened is the past, which cannot be changed or erased. Thus, you need to try to change your attitude towards him. You must accept the fact that hatred and revenge are primarily destructive to you. In addition, accomplished revenge sometimes brings not satisfaction, but remorse.

Forgiving a friend does not mean forgetting about his ugly act. This means stopping to think about it, concentrating. To forgive means to put yourself in the shoes of the offender and try to unravel his motivation, which will become a reason for showing compassion. Even if you consider the action unacceptable, forgiveness will help maintain warm human relationships.

Why can't people forgive?

The main problem with the ability to forgive is that people do not want to part with their feelings of resentment. This does not always happen consciously. A person is offended by certain words and actions, igniting a storm of negative emotions in him. This makes him unfree and even unhealthy. To break this vicious circle, it is important to take time to understand the situation, “disassembling” it in detail. In addition, a person is characterized by such a feeling as pride. But are you so sinless? Perhaps, having discovered the vices of other people in yourself, it will be easier for you to forget the grievances.

The main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive

Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful and pure manifestations of human relationships. Nevertheless, even among the most loyal comrades, disagreements arise. Thus, the main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive. This is important in the following aspects:

• the opportunity to maintain, if not good, then at least peaceful relations with the offender;
• maintaining health by protecting yourself from negative emotions;
• self-improvement through self-control;
• a self-defense mechanism that makes a person less vulnerable to the blows of fate.

Forgive and maintain friendship

The ability to forgive insults is a necessary quality that helps to maintain respectable relationships with people. A quarrel is not always the end of a friendship. It's worth saving if:

• The person offended you while in a difficult situation. It is quite possible that he did this out of emotion, not wanting to harm you at all.
• This behavior is unusual for humans. You can’t break off strong relationships that have been built over many years because of a moment’s confusion.
• Your friend did not offend you out of malice. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate without thinking. Think about it, maybe he didn’t have any bad intentions.

Forgive and let go

The ability to forgive is a characteristic of strong people. But this does not always mean maintaining the same friendships. In some cases, it is better not just to forgive, but to let the person go:

• A person is constantly trying to humiliate you in order to look better compared to you. Even if you are generous and forgive him, your relationship will most likely continue as before. It's better to let such a friend go.
• The man committed treason. For example, you told someone your secret or set someone up at work. Having decided on this, he hardly thought about your friendship. Of course, you shouldn’t harbor a grudge, but it’s also better not to maintain close relationships.
• The person is pursuing material gain by communicating with you. Having unraveled such a catch, you will understand that friendship is not worth maintaining.
• The person has forgotten about you and does not contact you. Of course, this is a shame, but even the closest friends cannot always be together, because everyone has their own life. In addition, this can be a test of strength.
• If your friend did something bad to you out of fear of incurring losses or ruining relationships with some people important to him, let him go. It’s not a fact that he won’t do the same next time.

How to learn to forgive?

Is it important to forgive in friendships? Undoubtedly. Even between the closest people, disagreements and misunderstandings can arise. Imagine that you have broken off all relations with a friend, harbored a grudge against him, and made new acquaintances. But will the next relationship be perfect? Hardly. Most likely, they will be accompanied by the same disagreements and quarrels. Thus, grievances will accumulate, destroying you from the inside. To avoid this, learn to forgive:

• come to the realization that grievances are bothering you and that you want to get rid of them;
• try not to see the offender for some time, so as not to fuel your anger;
• if you do not know exactly the motives for an action, do not try to fantasize about it;
• if the offender tries to contact you to explain himself, give him this opportunity;
• make a list of your shortcomings - it is quite possible that you have the same sins as your offender, and by forgiving him, you will forgive yourself.

Positive motivation

In friendship, the ability to forgive is very important. The arguments in favor of this statement are as follows:

• having freed yourself from grievances, you will become an independent and invulnerable person;
• you will be able to recharge yourself with positive energy, conveying a joyful mood to others;
• It will be easier for you to communicate with current friends and build relationships with new ones;
• the veil that previously prevented you from adequately assessing the situation and people will fall from your eyes;
• you will learn to benefit from communication with friends, ignoring negative messages;
• you will be interesting to others, because people are always drawn to the strong, wise and independent;
• you will get a chance to become a successful person, because negative thoughts will no longer weigh you down and pull you down.

Negative motivation

The ability to understand and forgive is not inherent in everyone. Even understanding all the positive results of such an act, people cannot let go of their grievances. Then negative motivation comes to the rescue. So, if you continue to accumulate grievances, the following will happen:

• the resentment that you have not forgiven begins to grow over time, causing you to suffer;
• if you cannot cope with one grievance, you will not cope with others, and, as practice shows, there are more and more of them every year;
• due to strong emotional stress, you can lead yourself to nervous exhaustion or serious illness;
• inability to forgive means constant conflicts, which threatens not only communication with friends, but also family life;
• resentment prevents you from enjoying life;
• the desire for revenge can push you to rash actions that you will regret.

Can't think? Write!

Losing friends is always unpleasant and sad, especially if these people are very close and dear to you. But it is impossible to continue friendly relations if you are eaten up from the inside by a feeling of resentment. To eradicate it, you need to take time for introspection. But not all people are given the opportunity to immerse themselves in themselves, deeply rethinking what is happening. If you consider yourself to be in this category, express all your experiences in writing.

Imagine that you have to write a report in which you must prove to the reader (in this case, to yourself) that your grievance is indeed justified. Give answers to the following questions:

• What exactly are you offended by?
• What detail caught your eye the most?
• Do you have the same negative qualities in yourself?

Oddly enough, many people “cut off” at this point. By bringing oneself to frankness, a person begins to understand that there are no significant reasons for being offended, and if they do exist, you must determine the reasons that led to the conflict situation. Perhaps you created it yourself. Or maybe this is some kind of sign of fate.

And, of course, don’t forget to develop an “anti-crisis plan”:

• How will you handle such situations from now on?
• What positive experiences can you draw from?
• How will you maintain your relationship with the offender?

It is difficult to build a strong friendship, but you can destroy it with one carelessly spoken word. And the offender is not always to blame for the breakdown of the relationship. Sometimes failure to forgive causes more harm. If you want to get rid of this negative trait, take on board a few more useful tips:

• Don't view forgiveness as a sign of weakness. This ability is inherent only to wise and strong people.
• Take quarrels and insults as a lesson in fate. After analyzing the situation, you will probably find some meaning in it, the awareness of which will protect you from serious mistakes in the future.
• Resentment is inaction. And you must constantly develop and work on yourself. In addition, if you see in yourself the strength and wisdom to adequately teach a person a lesson (not to be confused with revenge), you will also direct him to the right path.
• Look at everything with a sense of humor. If in the current situation you find the slightest reason to laugh, then everything is not so bad.

The ability to forgive: examples from life

There are no ideal relationships between people. Even the most devoted friends sometimes quarrel. If you haven't yet understood the role of forgiveness, real-life examples will help you do so.

Imagine a situation where school friends quarreled. The inability or unwillingness to forgive led to the fact that each of them lost a loved one with whom they could share both joys and troubles. When the offender had a misfortune, the second, despite his emotional impulses, driven by the desire for revenge, did not come to his aid. As a result, the oppressive resentment gave way to pangs of conscience, and it is much more terrible to fight them.

The second example can be given from the plane of family life, which also often begins with friendship. So, after much thought, the wife forgave her unfaithful husband. As a result, they lived a long and happy life together, raising wonderful children. Imagine what would happen if the wife followed the principle? At best, they would be able to build new families. But the feeling of resentment would eat them up all their lives.

Conclusion

Sometimes the closest friends become blood enemies. But is there always a good reason for this? The inability to forgive is one of the biggest vices that needs to be fought. Before breaking off a friendship, think about whether the offense outweighs all the positive moments you had to experience together?

It is believed that the main thing in friendship is the ability to forgive. Indeed, this is a very valuable quality. Is it possible to live a full and vibrant life if you keep a lot of big and small grievances in your mind? People don’t even realize how quickly you can get rid of mental wounds. The main thing is to leave the past in the past.

Why do you need to be able to forgive?

The ability to forgive is not only a way to maintain friendship. This ability makes life easier, improves health and improves mood. If we put aside all the beautiful words about human relationships, what remains is the purely pragmatic side. Thus, many years of observations by psychologists have led to the conclusion that people who harbor grievances are much more likely to feel unwell and encounter diseases than those who act in the diametrically opposite way. Many may be skeptical about this, but there is an explanation for everything.

If you don't have the ability to forgive, you will constantly think about your grievances. As a result, the brain will send additional impulses to the endocrine system aimed at producing stress hormones. This leads to increased blood pressure and increased stress on the muscles. People often experience back pain and rapid heartbeat. Moreover, stress reduces immunity. Thus, you may be right 1000 times in not wanting to forgive the offender, but you yourself suffer from this.

The ability to forgive not only helps to avoid health problems, but also facilitates the process of communicating with others. Not paying attention to irritants, some people easily make new acquaintances and surround themselves with friends. Psychologists call this an effective behavior model. It involves protecting yourself from unpleasant thoughts and negative emotions.

What is forgiveness?

The ability to forgive is one of the main qualities of true friends and simply wise people. First, it's worth understanding what this means. The point is not to tell the offender that he is forgiven. In this case, responsibility will be removed from him, and you will never get rid of the resentment that oppresses you. It is important to let go of negative thoughts by protecting yourself from negativity.

To begin with, it is worth understanding that what happened is the past, which cannot be changed or erased. Thus, you need to try to change your attitude towards him. You must accept the fact that hatred and revenge are primarily destructive to you. In addition, accomplished revenge sometimes brings not satisfaction, but remorse.

Forgiving a friend does not mean forgetting about his ugly act. This means stopping to think about it, concentrating. To forgive means to put yourself in the shoes of the offender and try to unravel his motivation, which will become a reason for showing compassion. Even if you consider the action unacceptable, forgiveness will help maintain warm human relationships.

Why can't people forgive?

The main problem with the ability to forgive is that people do not want to part with their feelings of resentment. This does not always happen consciously. A person is offended by certain words and actions, igniting a storm of negative emotions in him. This makes him unfree and even unhealthy. To break this vicious circle, it is important to take time to understand the situation, “disassembling” it in detail. In addition, a person is characterized by such a feeling as pride. But are you so sinless? Perhaps, having discovered the vices of other people in yourself, it will be easier for you to forget the grievances.

The main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive

Friendship is perhaps one of the most beautiful and pure manifestations. Nevertheless, even between the most faithful comrades, disagreements arise. Thus, the main thing in friendship is the ability to understand and forgive. This is important in the following aspects:

• the opportunity to maintain, if not good, then at least peaceful relations with the offender;
• maintaining health by protecting yourself from negative emotions;
• self-improvement through self-control;
• a self-defense mechanism that makes a person less vulnerable to the blows of fate.

Forgive and maintain friendship

The ability to forgive insults is a necessary quality that helps to maintain respectable relationships with people. A quarrel is not always the end of a friendship. It's worth saving if:

• The person offended you while in a difficult situation. It is quite possible that he did this out of emotion, not wanting to harm you at all.
• This behavior is unusual for humans. You can’t break off strong relationships that have been built over many years because of a moment’s confusion.
• you are not out of malice. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate without thinking. Think about it, maybe he didn’t have any bad intentions.

Forgive and let go

The ability to forgive is a characteristic of strong people. But this does not always mean maintaining the same friendships. In some cases, it is better not just to forgive, but to let the person go:

• A person is constantly trying to humiliate you in order to look better compared to you. Even if you are generous and forgive him, your relationship will most likely continue as before. It's better to let such a friend go.
• The man committed treason. For example, you told someone your secret or set someone up at work. Having decided on this, he hardly thought about your friendship. Of course, you shouldn’t harbor a grudge, but it’s also better not to maintain close relationships.
• The person is pursuing material gain by communicating with you. Having unraveled such a catch, you will understand that friendship is not worth maintaining.
• The person has forgotten about you and does not contact you. Of course, this is a shame, but even the closest friends cannot always be together, because everyone has their own life. In addition, this can be a test of strength.
• If your friend did something bad to you out of fear of incurring losses or ruining relationships with some people important to him, let him go. It’s not a fact that he won’t do the same next time.

How to learn to forgive?

Is it important to forgive in friendships? Undoubtedly. Even between the closest people, disagreements and misunderstandings can arise. Imagine that you have broken off all relations with a friend, harbored a grudge against him, and made new acquaintances. But will the next relationship be perfect? Hardly. Most likely, they will be accompanied by the same disagreements and quarrels. Thus, grievances will accumulate, destroying you from the inside. To avoid this, learn to forgive:

• come to the realization that grievances are bothering you and that you want to get rid of them;
• try not to see the offender for some time, so as not to fuel your anger;
• if you do not know exactly the motives for an action, do not try to fantasize about it;
• if the offender tries to contact you to explain himself, give him this opportunity;
• make a list of your shortcomings - it is quite possible that you have the same sins as your offender, and by forgiving him, you will forgive yourself.

Positive motivation

In friendship, the ability to forgive is very important. The arguments in favor of this statement are as follows:

• having freed yourself from grievances, you will become an independent and invulnerable person;
• you will be able to recharge yourself with positive energy, conveying a joyful mood to others;
• It will be easier for you to communicate with current friends and build relationships with new ones;
• the veil that previously prevented you from adequately assessing the situation and people will fall from your eyes;
• you will learn to benefit from communication with friends, ignoring negative messages;
• you will be interesting to others, because people are always drawn to the strong, wise and independent;
• you will get a chance to become a successful person, because negative thoughts will no longer weigh you down and pull you down.

Negative motivation

The ability to understand and forgive is not inherent in everyone. Even understanding all the positive results of such an act, people cannot let go of their grievances. Then negative motivation comes to the rescue. So, if you continue to accumulate grievances, the following will happen:

• the resentment that you have not forgiven begins to grow over time, causing you to suffer;
• if you cannot cope with one grievance, you will not cope with others, and, as practice shows, there are more and more of them every year;
• due to strong emotional stress, you can lead yourself to nervous exhaustion or serious illness;
• inability to forgive means constant conflicts, which threatens not only communication with friends, but also family life;
• resentment prevents you from enjoying life;
• the desire for revenge can push you into actions that you will regret.

Can't think? Write!

Losing friends is always unpleasant and sad, especially if these people are very close and dear to you. But it is impossible to continue friendly relations if you are eaten up from the inside by a feeling of resentment. To eradicate it, you need to take time for introspection. But not all people are given the opportunity to immerse themselves in themselves, deeply rethinking what is happening. If you consider yourself to be in this category, express all your experiences in writing.

Imagine that you have to write a report in which you must prove to the reader (in this case, to yourself) that your grievance is indeed justified. Give answers to the following questions:

• What exactly are you offended by?
• What detail caught your eye the most?
• Do you have the same negative qualities in yourself?

Oddly enough, many people “cut off” at this point. By bringing oneself to frankness, a person begins to understand that there are no significant reasons for being offended, and if they do exist, you must determine the reasons that led to the conflict situation. Perhaps you created it yourself. Or maybe this is some kind of sign of fate.

And, of course, don’t forget to develop an “anti-crisis plan”:

• How will you handle such situations from now on?
• What positive experiences can you draw from?
• How will you maintain your relationship with the offender?

It is difficult to build a strong friendship, but you can destroy it with one carelessly spoken word. And the offender is not always to blame for the breakdown of the relationship. Sometimes failure to forgive causes more harm. If you want to get rid of this negative trait, take on board a few more useful tips:

• Don't view forgiveness as a sign of weakness. This ability is inherent only to wise and strong people.
• Take quarrels and insults as a lesson in fate. After analyzing the situation, you will probably find some meaning in it, the awareness of which will protect you from serious mistakes in the future.
• Resentment is inaction. And you must constantly develop and work on yourself. In addition, if you see in yourself the strength and wisdom to adequately teach a person a lesson (not to be confused with revenge), you will also direct him to the right path.
• Look at everything with a smile. If in the current situation you find the slightest reason to laugh, then everything is not so bad.

The ability to forgive: examples from life

There are no ideal relationships between people. Even the most devoted friends sometimes quarrel. If you haven't yet understood the role of forgiveness, real-life examples will help you do so.

Imagine a situation where school friends quarreled. The inability or unwillingness to forgive led to the fact that each of them lost a loved one with whom they could share both joys and troubles. When the offender had a misfortune, the second, despite his emotional impulses, driven by the desire for revenge, did not come to his aid. As a result, the oppressive resentment has changed and it is much more terrible to fight them.

The second example can be given from the plane of family life, which also often begins with friendship. So, after much thought, the wife forgave her unfaithful husband. As a result, they lived a long and happy life together, raising wonderful children. Imagine what would happen if the wife followed the principle? At best, they would be able to build new families. But the feeling of resentment would eat them up all their lives.

Conclusion

Sometimes the closest friends become blood enemies. But is there always a good reason for this? The inability to forgive is one of the biggest vices that needs to be fought. Before you break up, think about whether the offense outweighs all the positive moments that you had to experience together?