How to believe in yourself and your strengths. Believe in yourself and your strengths, it’s easy How to develop faith in yourself

Just as one can argue for a long time about what came first, the chicken or the egg, one can probably argue for a long time about what is more important in a person’s life: self-belief, self-confidence, self-esteem, taking responsibility for one’s life, the ability to act decisively and persistently achieve results, or a dozen other different ones. skills. But the fact remains that without self-confidence, it is really difficult both to achieve success in life and to be able to enjoy this success.

What is self-confidence?

Self-confidence is a person’s conviction that the chosen path of life is correct, the confidence that he is able to achieve his main goals, is worthy of it and will succeed. Self-confidence and self-confidence are often confused, but these are different concepts. Self-confidence is aimed at the future, and self-confidence is aimed at the present. When a person has high self-confidence, he is convinced of the correctness of every current decision, everything he does is correct.

Accordingly, every mistake made reduces this confidence, and every success increases it. On the contrary, self-confidence does not depend so much on current actions, on what is happening in life now. This is why it can be dangerous, a person who strongly believes in himself, in who he can become, in what he can achieve, falls out of his current life, stops paying attention to what is happening to him now. Therefore, self-confidence alone is not enough, but it is also impossible without it, because this faith is like a beacon, always burning somewhere in the distance, illuminating our path.

How to believe in yourself and your strengths.

The interesting thing is that no one has yet figured out how to measure self-confidence, so advice on this is rather conditional. To a greater extent, they relate to certain patterns of behavior that we can observe in people who have this belief in themselves and their strengths. Copying someone's behavior and imitating it for a long time is the surest way to become the one from whom this behavior was copied. And as a result, achieve the same results or acquire the same skills, habits, or, as in our case, believe in yourself and your strengths.

Take responsibility and accept yourself.

When can we actually believe in ourselves? Only when there is a conviction that our lives and the results we get depend on ourselves, on our actions. This is why taking 100% responsibility for your life is a necessary element of believing in yourself. If we are not sure that we are in control of our lives, how can we believe in ourselves? And as another consequence of taking responsibility, it is self-acceptance. Agreeing to accept ourselves as we are gives us the opportunity to believe in ourselves and our strengths, we can never truly believe in ourselves if we judge ourselves for who we are.

More details about responsibility are written in the article about, but if you highlight the most basic, then you need to stop doing 5 things:

• Blame
• Make excuses
• Defend yourself
• Complain
• To be shy

Moreover, here we can very clearly distinguish two sides of the same coin. To increase responsibility you need to stop blaming others, and to accept yourself, stop blaming yourself. The same with the other points, for example, for responsibility, stop complaining about others, for acceptance, stop complaining about yourself. Responsibility and self-acceptance are necessary conditions for self-confidence, but not sufficient.

Separate your physical self from your inner self.

In various spiritual teachings this is highlighted very clearly: there is a body and there is a soul. And our soul is not our body, it is something completely different. If we look from the scientific side, we can call it the human subconscious or whatever you like. This is not so important now, the main thing is to learn to separate our body, our physical self, from the inner one. And this must be done in order to understand what it means to believe in yourself. After all, this faith does not relate to the physical self, but specifically to the inner one.

Our physical body may be imperfect, sick, and may exhibit strange emotions or reactions to the world and events around us. But this has nothing to do with the inner self, in which we can believe no matter what. The body may suffer, but faith in yourself can be very strong and in the end this can decide everything. However, since self-confidence also has physical manifestations, we will not discard them.

We teach our body to radiate faith in itself.

When a person has high faith in himself and his strengths, this is reflected in his physical body. These signs are the same as those of confident people with high self-esteem. This includes a straight, proud posture, a direct gaze, and confident speech. All this creates an aura of a person’s self-confidence.

Another external sign of self-confidence is that such a person consistently adheres to certain values ​​and beliefs. Doesn’t change them and consistently defends them. This indicates a holistic, formed personality. About such people we say that a person has an inner core and this is possible only if he has faith in himself.

And by imitating these signs, doing it long enough, we force ourselves to believe in ourselves. This really works, it is not necessary to change beliefs in order to change behavior patterns, sometimes on the contrary, by changing the way we act, we can change our inner self.

To ask and pray means to believe.

Following the example with religion, a person truly believes when he begins to pray and then ask. Of course, we won’t literally pray to ourselves, but it really makes sense to talk to our inner self. Sometimes it is very important to tell ourselves about some things that concern us, to reveal the truth about ourselves or some events to someone we can trust - our inner self. How to conduct this conversation is up to us to decide, but often this is easiest to do using various meditative practices.

Another important element of such self-talk is the ability to ask and thank. And, first of all, this concerns not some physical things, but asking for forgiveness of oneself, asking for strength to carry out some actions, implement decisions. Don't forget to thank yourself when we receive it.

By learning to talk internally to ourselves, we raise self-confidence to a level unattainable for others. And for this we do not need anything, and no one else, except ourselves. The main thing is to be honest with yourself, to open your heart to yourself.

Question everything.

Deep faith in yourself and your strengths very often turns into faith only in yourself. When we begin to understand the strength that self-confidence gives, we no longer need to rely on others or the world around us in general. We have everything we need inside. And this leads to the fact that we begin to question literally everything. What we still believed in, our limiting beliefs, false values ​​imposed on us from outside, emerge. Everything that makes our own life alien, programmed by others.

Again, we can wait until we develop strong self-belief to question everything around us, or we can begin to do this ourselves, which will result in increased self-confidence and finally free ourselves from the influence of others.

Self-confidence is a state of our spirit. No matter what the potential of the energy of creativity and creation our soul may have, no matter what our world of possibilities may be, without self-belief it will never be able to become a reality.

Self-confidence is our inner state, our life position. A person can believe in his ability to achieve success or, conversely, in the fact that he is not good for anything. In his thoughts he sees himself as rich and prosperous, or he is sure that his lot is to drag out a poor, wretched existence. The Bible says: According to your faith, be it done to you.

Self-confidence is a person’s belief that he will succeed. Self-confidence in the face of a challenge, in front of a difficult task. This is a firm belief that everything that is planned will definitely come true. This is the starting component of any success.

Self-confidence gives a person enormous strength, endless internal energy, which allows him to achieve incredible heights and do what would be impossible for other people. Tremendous faith in oneself and one’s strengths is an unbending inner core that will not allow a person to break, give up, or retreat from one’s goals under any onslaught of external circumstances.

Faith - from the word believe. Self-confidence means trusting yourself and other people. But in order to learn to trust others, you need to learn, first of all, to believe in yourself and in yourself. Otherwise, it is impossible to trust someone, and the people around you will not be able to trust you either. Self-confidence is necessary for successful life in general.

Self-confidence is the real golden nugget of all the beneficial qualities we possess. You can be the smartest and most beautiful person, a strong athlete or a resourceful entrepreneur, but without self-confidence, all these personality traits will never be able to fully express themselves.

Self-confidence is the foundation, the fertile soil on which the tree of your success grows, both in the professional sphere and in your personal life. It is closely related to such concepts as self-esteem and self-respect, the foundations of which are laid in early childhood. Self-confidence is necessary for successful life in general.

All people are equal, the only difference is in their attitude towards themselves, towards the world and what they think about, what they feel, what thoughts and emotions they let into their lives. As a result, some have successful, well-rounded lives, while others experience the full spectrum of negativity in their lives. The ability to be a gray mouse or a successful and bright personality is not inherent in genes, it depends on the right attitude towards oneself, which everyone is able to form.

To avoid excruciating pain from years spent aimlessly, you need to strengthen your faith in yourself every day. “What goes around comes around” is a truth that should not be forgotten. If you want to achieve something, then start building a new life, solely out of faith in yourself and in the fact that everything can be born only from this beginning.

REASONS FOR LESS CONFIDENCE

One of the main reasons for self-doubt is the complexes you have ever acquired. Some people have complexes associated with shortcomings in appearance, while others developed complexes during their school years, when the opinion of society played a very important role. You can and should fight complexes.

Look at famous people who have already fulfilled their dreams and achieved success in life, look at movie stars, famous big businessmen and politicians. What they all have in common is that they are all very confident people. They, like all people, have shortcomings, but thanks to self-confidence they turn them into their advantages, or at least make them insignificant.

Confidence does not come to us from birth. It accumulates with positive experiences, grows with successes, decreases with failures, and constantly changes throughout life. In childhood, love, appreciation, and attention from parents begin to shape the child’s faith or lack of faith in himself. In the future, self-confidence is influenced by academic success, the team, the attitude of peers and teachers, work, and personal life.

Everyone knows: to succeed in life, this confidence is necessary. So what prevents you and me from becoming confident and, accordingly, successful people. If you understand that feelings of insecurity are preventing you from spreading your wings, you need to start growing confidence within yourself.

One of the ways to develop self-confidence is as follows: take a piece of paper and write down on it all your positive qualities, both external and qualities of your character. Try to find at least 20 positive qualities in yourself. Now look at this list. As many as 20 (and maybe more) positive qualities! You can be proud of yourself for this. Praise yourself for these qualities and for the work you have done. And every time your self-confidence decreases, read this list again and again. You are unique and you have something to be proud of! Remember this.

Of course, you need to remember that you won’t get stunning results the first time. Developing self-confidence is painstaking and long work. But the result is worth it.

OPTIMISM AND BELIEF IN YOURSELF

Optimism is a way of perceiving the world. Worldview significantly influences what feelings a person experiences and what thoughts are born in him under the influence of external events. Optimistic people usually expect only good things from the future, and when trouble happens, they believe that the situation will certainly soon change for the better.

When a person believes in a favorable outcome of a case and is convinced that he has the power to influence the result, this is really reflected in the development of events and results. Optimism strengthens self-confidence.

People who have an optimistic outlook tend to be satisfied with their lives, persevere through adversity, and are more productive than pessimists. They are more often able to create a harmonious atmosphere in the team and effectively manage their subordinates. They have a longer life expectancy. They defeat diseases faster.

A positive outlook and self-confidence are not enough to create an optimistic approach to life. It is also necessary that the goals we set for ourselves are realistic, not illusory, and that we understand how we intend to achieve them. Optimism requires confidence in the feasibility of a dream. The idea that inspires us should be perceived by us as feasible. If dreams seem divorced from reality, then we are unlikely to experience optimism and, accordingly, will lose the benefits that elation gives.

FORMATION OF BELIEFS

The source of your beliefs about politics, money, society and the world in general lies outside of you, it comes from your parents, teachers, friends, as well as the media. It is often suggested:
- don’t talk to strangers - they are bad;
- money is the root of evil;
- if you don’t succeed at school, you won’t achieve anything in life;
- to get a good job you need to study in college;
Most people have never created their own beliefs; we were fed these beliefs from the cradle.

Anyone can become happy. Everything depends on his thinking, on his thoughts. They become our beliefs, which form negative or positive impulses emanating from us into the environment, attracting corresponding events into our lives.

If a woman firmly believes that there are no more good men and there is no one to marry, she will never meet a normal man and no marriage will happen to her. With this way of thinking, her brain will find thousands of reasons and reservations to reject any potential groom and exclude any possibility of marriage.

In the same way, you can talk and give examples about work, money, opportunities, etc. We attract to ourselves what is in our thoughts and constitutes our beliefs.

There is one simple but very effective way to make yourself believe that everything will be fine - this is auto-training. So far, nothing more effective and simpler has been invented.

The effect of auto-training is that when a positive statement is repeated many times, it is absorbed into a person at a subconscious level. All you need to do is develop a positive attitude for yourself in the present tense and repeat it many times, 50 - 100 or more times a day. 90% of successful and famous people use this method.

First, through force, through I don’t want to, your positive beliefs (affirmations) will penetrate your brain, into the hidden corners of your subconscious, forming your new beliefs. Little by little, your negative way of thinking will move to a different plane, and then positive changes will begin in your life. Your destiny will begin to change, you will begin to make it yourself.

Examples of affirmations:
- I will be hired for a job that I like;
- I am able to earn a lot;
- I am confident in myself;
- I will succeed;
- I have an easy and confident gait;
- I am charming and attractive.

Two or three months of daily statements like this and a miracle can happen. It doesn’t matter whether you listen to it or repeat it mentally or read it. The main thing is to do it and believe in what you are doing.

HOW TO GAIN FAITH IN YOURSELF

People for the most part are divided into two groups: those who believe in themselves and their strengths, and those who simply do not have this faith. Some achieve success in life, while others fold their paws and go with the flow in the hope that fate itself will lead them to a world of happiness. If you want to do serious things, solve important problems and be able to achieve considerable heights in life, then you need, first of all, to learn to believe in yourself.

Self-confidence distinguishes a successful person from a failure. Only faith in yourself and your strengths turns a barely noticeable path into a reliable path to the intended goal, makes it possible to “break out among people”, achieve self-respect and well-deserved recognition from others.

Opportunities pass you by, your career and money pass you by, you ruin your health and lead a dull lifestyle. Your insecurity keeps you at the very bottom of your life and you must agree that I am not exaggerating now. Insecure people are the most unhappy.

Self-confidence is necessary for every person. She, like a guiding star, helps you move through life without looking back at the voices of spiteful critics, without losing your course in the turmoil of false goals and without stumbling over failures and problems.

To know where to move, let's determine what internal attitudes are inherent in an individual with a positive attitude and self-confidence.

1. Everything that is done is for the better. Where you are at this moment is the result of your actions in the past. Only by fully accepting responsibility for everything that happens in your life will you become freer and stronger. The current situation in life is the best at the moment of all the options that could be. Remember that there are no bad situations - there is only our attitude towards them. Change your attitude and new opportunities for solving problems will open up.

2. Accept yourself as you are. In order to believe in yourself, you must first accept yourself as you are. You cannot believe in what you cannot fully accept. If you don't have this, then it means that you are rejecting part of yourself, perhaps even hating some of your qualities. It is impossible to believe in something you don't love. Therefore, you have no other way to gain self-esteem than to love yourself completely and completely, with all your strengths and weaknesses.

3. Live by your goals. Take an inventory of the goals that you have for a year, for five years, in life in general. Rate each of them. Determine whether this is really your goal or is it a goal imposed on you by your spouse, your boss, or your environment? You can only begin to believe in yourself if you are completely honest with yourself and begin to live your life. You can’t spend your life fulfilling other people’s desires and respect yourself at the same time.

4. Mistakes are experience. You should treat your mistakes as a learning experience. There is no need to suffer and blame yourself for committing them. From every mistake you need to learn a useful lesson. The more mistakes you make, the more experience you will gain. Before inventing the light bulb, Thomas Edison made 10,000 unsuccessful attempts.

5. Remove all doubts. They pollute the consciousness, they can and should be gotten rid of. When doubts arise in your mind, you simply dismiss them by saying: “I will take note of your concerns about ... (such and such) and relieve you of your responsibilities. You're fired!". Have fun playing this game and you will see how easy it becomes for you.

6. Don't compare yourself to others. Yours: appearance, achievements, profit, success and everything else should never be compared with others. Competition is the main factor in destroying self-confidence. If you constantly compare yourself with others and at the same time evaluate yourself based on your real belief in yourself, and others based on your ideas about them, you will always be a loser, since people, for the most part, hide their essence. Everyone has their own path, their own goals and their own achievements. Do not waste time, emotions and energy on running a race with others, otherwise your whole life will pass in the skin of a racehorse, driven by the whip of vanity and the spurs of ambition.

7. Have your own opinion. A person lives in society, he cannot live without society, and the opinion of the majority is very important to him. But someone else’s opinion is not always correct and not everyone gives advice with good intentions. Stop relying on the opinion of the majority, the last word should always remain with you, this is your life and no one will live it for you.

8. Remember your victories more often. Luck is very inspiring - even if it was in the past. Relive your finest hour. Make a list of achievements and review it periodically. This will increase self-esteem and prepare the ground for new victories. You should also independently determine for yourself a realistic and achievable goal. Start with a small but doable step. We believe in ourselves when we can touch the result, hold it in our hands. The smartest move is to achieve some result first.
Often self-confidence disappears after numerous defeats, and vice versa can manifest itself after several victories. It follows that in order to cheer yourself up and believe in your strength, sometimes it is enough to get several, albeit small, victories.

9. The right environment. Surround yourself with like-minded people. If you want to become rich, communicate more with businessmen and millionaires. Self-confidence is strengthened by people whose system of internal values ​​is close to yours. Such people will support you on the path to achieving your goals, help you with advice and will not let you give up.

Self-confidence depends on many factors. Typically, self-confidence arises when a person achieves success in the project he is working on. He begins to meet a partner he likes, earn a lot of money, get approval from authorities, etc. However, life cannot only please..

Life cannot be a continuous holiday. Everyone experiences situations of sadness, disappointment and failure in life. It is at such moments that it is important to maintain good spirits and self-confidence so as not to contribute to the decline.

Life doesn't go smoothly for everyone. What to do? First of all, understand why you attach such great importance to the failures that have arisen. Why are you obsessing over them? Why do they become the most important events for you, rather than other situations that occur in parallel with them? Failure is just a part of life, not the whole of life.

You need to figure out why failures make you obsess over them. A successful person also faces failures. However, he does not make a problem out of them, but tries to analyze his mistakes and understand how to correct the situation. There is no need to suffer over failures. You need to understand what happened, why they happened, and then correct what happened.

Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-belief are “eggs from the same basket.” If the reader can become self-confident or learn to increase self-esteem, then he will overcome other problems that are associated with these concepts.

Many coaches make money from people trying to find a way to become confident, believe in themselves, and make their self-esteem stable. But how many people do you know who are adequately confident? There are many trainings, but little effect. What does not work?

As always, it is necessary to address the essence of the problem, not solve its consequences. It is necessary not to increase self-esteem or surround yourself with attributes that supposedly will make you self-confident, but to eliminate the reason that deprives any person of the desired states.

• First, many people's sense of self depends on what others think of them. “What will people say?” - a favorite saying of many Soviet people. This saying was put into the heads of subsequent generations who were no longer born in the Soviet Union. Focus on the opinions of others, which are always ambiguous, fickle, and different. A person needs to suffer not from splitting, but from quadrupling his personality in order to please absolutely everyone. While the opinions of others are important, you can forget about adequate self-esteem or self-confidence.
• Secondly, there is no need to wait for praise. People don't believe in themselves because they are focused on receiving praise from others rather than finding their own happiness. The happiness of many depends on how many people evaluate them positively. Everything is very simple here: if you want to be admired or respected, say only good things about other people. Don't notice their shortcomings, failures or negative aspects. Say only good things about them. Then they will be ashamed to say bad things about you, since you only say good things about them. But while you depend on all this, you are not busy focusing on your own happiness, when you understand what you are capable of, which is where self-confidence comes from.
• Thirdly, other people's opinions are considered more important than one's own. A person does something, and they tell him: “Don’t!” A person plans something, and in response he hears: “Calm down! Live without it! We should not forget that others do not like it when other people’s successes are visible against their background. It’s good when everyone is equal, everyone is the same, there is no better or worse. If a person agrees not to stand out, then he dooms himself to the same life that those around him live. But we are often talking about unhappy, unsuccessful, poor people! Do you want to live like your surroundings? If not, then why do you listen to his opinion?

If you read carefully and thoughtfully, you may notice that we are talking about one thing: you don’t need to listen to the opinions of others, but you need to live your life, focusing on your own opinion! You can believe in yourself when you are not faced with different opinions regarding your personality. You are one copy, but, according to others, you are constantly different: sometimes beautiful, sometimes not very attractive, sometimes smart, sometimes stupid, sometimes strong, sometimes weak. What kind of person are you? Why are you different according to other people? Every stranger looks at you from a position of their own benefit: everyone is manipulating, which is only possible due to a decrease in your self-esteem.

To believe in yourself, gain adequate self-esteem and become self-confident, you need to look to yourself for answers to your questions. Like others, you may be wrong. But life itself will show you your mistakes! Only by the results obtained can you determine how good, smart and attractive you are. And the opinions of others will always be ambiguous, which is why your self-esteem will rise and fall, self-confidence will appear and disappear.

Another reason for lack of self-confidence is the scale of goals. I want to achieve the highest goals, and in the shortest possible time. All this only leads to failure and loss of self-confidence. What to do?

1. Break big goals into small ones and achieve them gradually.
2. Be patient, because everything takes time.

How to believe in yourself when you give up?

Over the years, all people accumulate failures, problems, fears and mistakes. All this helps in losing faith in oneself, which is why one gives up. Any, even insignificant events can lead to such a depressive and apathetic state: the departure of a loved one, criticism from others, problems at work, etc. In fact, all these are little things that are very easy to cope with. However, difficulties arise when a person begins to accumulate his experience of failures, disappointments, suffering and fears.

In order not to give up and continue to believe in yourself, you need to clear your consciousness of past emotions, grievances, fears and disappointments. In other words, you need to reconsider your desires, reassess the importance of certain phenomena, and also get rid of past emotions.

All this accumulates in a person. It's like a trash can that can fill up just by throwing a piece of paper into it. To prevent you from being overwhelmed with disappointment and grief, you need to empty your trash can. It should be empty so that any criticism or negative assessment “thrown at it” does not overflow the cup and turn it over.

All people face bad events in their lives. Everyone has a list of failures they have suffered along the way. However, people often consider their defeat to be a final loss, that is, they believe that the result has been achieved and there is no need to go further towards the goal. However, in fact, defeat is only an indicator that you have taken the wrong path that can lead you to what you want. And you just need to find the path that will lead you to your destination.

How not to turn your defeat into an even bigger loss? After all, in reality, only the person himself is to blame for the fact that some failure in life has become a complete failure. Several factors contribute to this:

1. Self-pity.

Defeat becomes the final loss because a person begins to feel sorry for himself. “I'm so unhappy. Why did this happen to me? While a person thinks this way, he is “marking time,” that is, he is not resolving the issue that has arisen, but is trying to find those at fault in order to then demand “compensation for losses” from them.

1. Absence .

Only the person himself decides whether to be upset or happy about what happened to him. And if a person chooses the path of grief, then he prepares himself for the fact that his “journey” is over. He has already achieved a certain result, unlike an optimistic person who understands that he needs to change the tactics of his actions in order to still achieve his goal.

1. Repeating mistakes.

More than once a person is told to learn from his mistakes. And defeat is precisely the experience that shows what not to do in order not to fail again.

1. Lack of search for alternatives.

Many roads lead to the same goal. Just because you've reached a dead end or failed doesn't mean you can't take a different path to get what you want. But to do this you need to want to take a different path, which also depends on the person himself.

1. Reluctance to set new goals.

If you haven't achieved something, then set a new goal to achieve something else. The relationship with your previous partner did not work out, you have a chance to build a new alliance with the next person. You were fired from your job, so find another interesting job. After breaking up with your best friend, you have the opportunity to find a new best friend. If your previous goal failed, set a new goal that will bring you the same joy and benefit as the previous one.

How to believe in yourself and gain confidence?

In the pursuit of success, a person most often forgets about himself. "Who I am? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I use? How am I hurting myself? Am I happy in what I do and how I live? - these and many other questions you need to ask yourself.

The problem with self-confidence and self-belief is that a person becomes fixated on external circumstances, forgetting about his personality. You need to know and understand yourself well in order to realize what you are ready for and what you can achieve. Self-confidence arises not on the basis of external circumstances and achievements, but on the basis of knowing yourself - who you are and what you are capable of.

How to help a person believe in himself?

When creating relationships with other people, you often have to provide them with support. In order to help a person believe in himself, it is not physical support that is important, but moral support. How to properly support to help a person gain self-confidence?

1. You need to let the person know that you are always ready to help him. Your help will not consist in the fact that you will do all the work for him, but in the fact that you will help him.
2. Don't do a person's work for them. He must do it himself. You can only help with advice or real help as an assistant.
3. Do not compare a person even with the desire to show that he is the best. Don't run the comparison mechanism. It’s better to talk exclusively about the person himself.

How to believe in yourself and achieve success?

It is very difficult to move towards your goal when you don’t have faith in yourself. What to do in such a situation? It is important to combine all the factors that contribute to self-confidence and success:

• Set a goal that is achievable, realistic, and not fantastic.
• Take actions that promote success. It doesn’t hurt to draw up a plan for gradual progress towards the goal.
• Removing people from your environment who don’t believe in you or constantly criticize you prevents you from achieving your goal.
• When faced with failures, see the mistakes behind you and correct them.

Bottom line

It’s actually very easy to believe in yourself if you stop making events or the opinions of people around you significant. What matters is what kind of person you are, what you are capable of, what you sincerely want. Focus on your opinion, make your own decisions and act, do not be afraid of responsibility and the need to cope with problems. Then your self-confidence will increase.

Why do we lose confidence in ourselves? There are many reasons: these are excessive demands, and the inability to forgive mistakes, and constant self-flagellation, and comments from other people. For each of these cases there is a psychological exercise.

Ho'oponopono: problem solving the Hawaiian way

Ho'oponopono- the ancient Hawaiian art of reconciling parties. For many centuries it has been used to prevent hostility and resolve conflicts. At the beginning of the 20th century, Hawaiian healer Morrna Nalamaku Shimeona modified this technique, reducing it to four simple phrases. They will help clear your mind and make peace with yourself.

Target: get rid of guilt and shame, forgive yourself.

How to do it: stand in front of the mirror and start a dialogue with yourself. These phrases will need to be spoken out loud in this order:

• "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry". Tell us what caused your regret, what your guilt is towards yourself, what mistakes you would like to correct. Feel the importance of your words. Accept your feelings without limits. This is your message to the higher mind. Admitting that you regret the negative programming that has entered into you.
• "Please forgive me". In the same state of sincerity, remember the grievances that you could not or did not want to prevent. This is your request for help in forgiving yourself.
• "Thank you". Think about the experience these mistakes and grievances gave you. How can you benefit from them? Thank yourself and those around you for helping you become a better person.
• "I love you". It is difficult to accept your weaknesses and mistakes. However, you need to be kind to yourself. Kindness makes us stronger, helps us see our goals more clearly and think more clearly. Anger clouds the mind. Look at yourself in the mirror with kindness and love. Spend as much time as necessary on this. And then confess your love for yourself.

After this you will become a new person.

Kasala: the practice of self-praise

Many of us were taught as children that we need to be humble and that “I” is the last letter of the alphabet.” Most parents have no idea how much harm they are doing to their child by constantly repeating this formula. Kasala is one of the ways to remember that every person is unique and important to this world.

The practice of kasala was proposed by Jean Kabuta, a literature teacher from the Congo. The kasala, or “poem of self-praise,” has been present in African tribal culture for centuries. It helps you better understand yourself, recognize your positive qualities, talk about your shortcomings with humor - in general, feel like an important member of society without aggression or belittling others.

Target: fully accept all aspects of your Self.

How to do it: Take a piece of paper, a pen and start the kasala by listing all the names, affectionate and humorous nicknames that they call you. Then list your qualities, moral and physical. Indicate which of them you consider important and which are secondary. If you find it difficult to praise yourself, imagine how your best friend or loved one would describe you. Don’t forget to mention your shortcomings, but also in an excellent form: “No one knows how to miss deadlines like me. Once I completed an order from my boss only after a year, although I should have done so in a week.”

Make the text poetic. Jean Kabuta advises introducing metaphors related to nature into it: “agile, like a cat,” “flexible, like a reed.” Write everything as it is. There is no need to be modest or shy. And the hardest part: read the casala to one or more friends. See if they agree with your description.

Second Toltec Agreement: "Don't take it personally"

The Toltec tribe lived in what is now Mexico in the years 1000-1300. According to excavations, their civilization was very developed. Interest in it arose again in the early 2000s, when the doctor Don Miguel Ruiz published the book “The Four Agreements. Book of Toltec Wisdom." It became a bestseller all over the world.

Don Miguel Ruiz was born and raised in a family of Mexican healers. The mother hoped that her son would continue the ancient work, but Miguel chose medical school and became a surgeon. But one day he had an accident and experienced clinical death. He turned to the wisdom of his Toltec ancestors and decided to convey their vision of the world to as many people as possible.

The point of Toltec wisdom is to destroy the prejudices that limit us.

Four agreements facilitate this:

• May your word be impeccable.
• Don't take it personally.
• Don't make assumptions.
• Try to do everything in the best possible way.

All of them are important for the correct perception of yourself and the world around you. But to increase self-esteem, perhaps the second thing is most important.

Target: stop depending on the mood of the people around you.

How to do it:“Other people’s affairs do not concern you. Everything people say or do is a projection of their own reality. If you develop immunity to the views and actions of others, you will avoid needless suffering,” writes Don Miguel Ruiz. You need to learn not to react to the comments of others. After all, you don’t know what caused them: bad mood, problems at home, fatigue, etc.

In essence, what another person says about you is an idea created by some stranger, not by you. Don't let this alien image influence the real you, lower your self-esteem or make you doubt your abilities.

4 questions for Katie Byron

American Katie Byron at one point found herself on the verge of suicide. In her own words, she was “a completely depressed, self-loathing, self-loathing woman.” Due to low self-esteem, she even decided that she did not deserve to sleep on the bed and moved to the floor. As a result, Katie began to ask herself four simple questions whenever she began to be burdened by an obsessive thought that interfered with her life and work. These questions formed the basis of The Work methodology.

Target: banish doubts about your capabilities and strengths.

How to do it: In a desperate moment, write on paper or say out loud four questions and your answers to them. For example, you think, “There is no way I can get this job.” Ask yourself:

1. This is true? Your answer may be a resounding “yes,” an uncertain “yes,” or even “not entirely true.” Answer sincerely.
2. Are you absolutely sure this is true? If you are confident, think of examples of failures that prove that you never live up to your expectations.
3. How do you react? What happens when you are confident in this thought? Be attentive and frank: you may experience anger, shame, despondency, or you may experience relief or joy.
4. Who would you be without this thought? You are not your thoughts. It’s enough just to model your thoughts correctly in order to believe in your strength and give yourself new emotions. Imagine not being able to think, “There is no way I can get this job.” How do you feel now?

After that, turn your original thought around, replacing it with the opposite - “I will get this job.” Consider three examples that prove you can achieve what you want. For example: “I have experience in this field, they are looking for a person of my age, I am ready to devote a lot of time to the business.” Ask yourself these 4 questions again, only this time regarding the inverted thought.